i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
