one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
