It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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