You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
