My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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