Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
