Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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