she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
