I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize