I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
