Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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