chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
