Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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