when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.