Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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