i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.