you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.