i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms