I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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