Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
