i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
