We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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