I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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