I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
