i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
