my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize