zippers are such a cool invention
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
