I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
