I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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