you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
