i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
