every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
