Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
how does that bad decision feel?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
