she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
