If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Someone shit on the floor
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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