So drunk its hurt
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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