I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
