who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
