I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
