u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
