My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
