There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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