Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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