if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
