Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
