I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
