Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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