i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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