I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
