She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
