Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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