So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
