He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I will pee on everything he values.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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