Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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