I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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