Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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