I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
