I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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