I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
