All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
