If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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