I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
