I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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