I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
