I haven't been this sober since birth.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
