So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
