You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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