So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
