I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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