I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
