its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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