I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
